i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
