The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
