I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
