I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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