He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
