Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
ugly people sure do ruin things
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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