Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
