you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
