So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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