She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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