I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
