Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
