There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
