I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
