That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
