Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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