So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
