I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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