overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm at about main and main street
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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