tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
