You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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