your parents love me but you hate me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
