i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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