When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
