The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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