Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Wipe that smile off your face.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?