if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
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I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
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I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.