I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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