you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
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I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.