Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.