I think my vagina is haunted
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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