I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
