just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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