Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
