So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
