i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
