Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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