Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
