Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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