Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
