i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
