Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so let's talk penis.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
