i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
