Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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