Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
