Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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