So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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