So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
