you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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