What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
