im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We had sex on a dog bed..
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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