they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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