wakey wakey hands off snakey
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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