Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
this hospital has no fireball
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
