How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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