Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
