i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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