I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
