Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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