Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Randomize
