yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
