where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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