apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
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Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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