Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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