I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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