Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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