I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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