I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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