You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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