don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish you could order shots online.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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