His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
